My husband and I were not always on the same page when we first got married –– especially when it came to finances.
We were both raised pretty differently and had vastly different life experiences. The way we perceived and internalized those experiences provided us each with very opposite views on money. No matter how much we love each other, trying to merge our lives –– and “his and her money” –– was a bit bumpy at first.
So, we had to learn to give each other grace and have many discussions in order to get on the same page with things. Our marriage is thriving and healthier than ever! Nothing will get in our way from reach our dreams + financial goals!
If your marriage is in a rocky spot at the moment, here are 5 tips for a healthy marriage!
5 Tips For A Healthy Marriage
1. Have A Joint Bank Account
Some couples think the best way to avoid money arguments is to keep separate checking accounts. His paycheck goes into one account, hers goes into another, and they each pay bills separately. No harm, no foul, right? Wrong. This lays the groundwork for major problems with your money and marriage.
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership between the two of you. It’s no longer his and her money. Separating your finances and splitting the bills is a terrible idea that only leads to more money + relationship problems down the road. Do. Not. Keep. Separate. Accounts. Combine all your money together and begin working as a team.
2. Recognize Your Personality Differences
Everyone’s money mindset is different, and opposites tend to attract. Chances are, one of you loves to save money while the other loves to spend it.
While personality differences cause some marital problems, it isn’t the real root of your money and marriage issues. The source of the problem is whenever one of you neglects to hear the other’s input, or when one of you bows out from handling the finances altogether.
Schedule a time once a month to sit down together and review the budget. You both should have a vote in the budget meeting, give feedback, criticism and encouragement.
Remember, you both are on the same team so work on the finances together. Utilize your personality differences to become a stronger + more united team.
3. Don’t Allow Your Income Differences To Come Between You
One person will generally make more money than the other in a marriage. Rarely will you both be making the same salary at the same time. Despite the income difference, the same problem may arise.
Instead of seeing the entire income as “our money,” you might think you have leverage over your spouse because you make more. Sometimes the breadwinner can feel entitled to the most say. Don’t fall into this trap.
The income is not yours or mine –– but ours. Never hold having a higher income over the other’s head. Remember, you are on the same team.
On the other side, the spouse who either stays home with the kids or makes less income may feel like they shouldn’t have as much say. Since you are on the same team, you have equal say in your money and marriage. Don’t even get me started on the value you stay-at-home parents provide!! You are saving your family money is many different ways!
4. Don’t Be Deceitful
There are many different ways to be unfaithful with your spouse, including being deceitful with finances. This can look like having a credit card your spouse knows nothing about or opening a side bank account to stash away cash.
It’s important to be open and honest about any secret credit cards or side checking accounts. Clear the air and own up to the truth with your spouse. Then, work toward building financial trust together again. Have a dream meeting to realign your shared financial goals and remember your why. Don’t forget you are a team and on this journey together!
5. Set expectations together.
When it comes to money and relationships, unmet expectations can cause a lot of conflict. The quickest way to feel unfulfilled and unsatisfied with your spouse is when you expect things to go a certain way, only to find out reality is a bit different.
If you’ve always thought you have to immediately buy a house after getting married, you might feel let down when you celebrate your first anniversary in the apartment you’re renting. Don’t let your unrealistic expectations pave the way for money and marriage problems!
There’s no rule stating married couples have to buy a home, start a family, or go on a trip to Paris during their first year of marriage. If those things aren’t feasible for you right now, don’t worry! Get your money in order now so that later you can make your dreams a reality.
Money and Marriage Should Go Hand in Hand
It’s time to quit making these money mistakes and come together as a team. Marriage is hard, right? It takes time, work, and commitment to keep your relationship healthy. It can be an awkward or even frustrating process, but you can learn how to discuss your finances in a healthy way!
Don’t forget, you married your spouse for a reason. You need their skills, perspective and insight –– especially the ones you don’t have in order to reach your financial goals.
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