Love puts no limits on topics for conversation—but if you’re constantly having money fights, it’s not something you want to bring up.
Money is the number one issue married couples fight about, and it’s consistently a leading cause of divorce. This is why working through your money issues in a healthy way is actually more valuable than the money itself!
When Arguing About Money Becomes the Norm
You’ve lived out some version of the story before: You’ve both had a long day working, and your spouse casually mentions they took their friends out for lunch.
Under your breath, you mutter, “Must be nice to spend money like that without running it by me.”
Your spouse gets defensive, and the verbal ping-ping begins. Over the next hour, the conversation slowly evolves into a heated discussion, and you’re at odds with the person you love the most– again!
Budget battles come in all shapes and sizes. Maybe it’s an expected bill that hits at just the wrong time or your vehicle needs an unplanned maintenance. Or maybe it’s a purchase you just don’t think the family needs right now—or one you’re sure you do need. Whatever the reason you find yourself arguing about money, it’s stealing your trust, your peace, your communication and your fun from your marriage.
How Fighting Over Money Impacts Your Marriage
For a lot of couples, money fights aren’t just a small bump in the road. They can become a major roadblock. The reality is that fighting over money isn’t just holding you back financially. It trickles down to all aspects of your marriage and your life.
Negative Effects of Fighting Over Money:
- Poor health: Study after study shows that money stress can negatively impact your blood pressure, back and muscle pain, mental health and more.
- A lack of trust: When money is a constant source of tension, it breaks down trust in the relationship.
- Divorce: Professor of family studies Sonya Britt said, “Arguments about money are by far the top predictor of divorce. It’s not children, sex, in-laws or anything else. It’s money—for both men and women.”
5 Steps to Stop Having Money Fights
Money fights and money problems are painful. If you’re struggling to get on the same page with your spouse, use these five steps to restore the peace.
1. Discuss (And Appreciate) Your Differences
It’s a known fact men and women are different. Being different isn’t a bad thing.. it’s really important!
The first step to actually being able to appreciate your differences is to be aware of them. Sit down with your spouse and ask these questions to get the ball rolling:
- How was money talked about in your home growing up?
- What’s one thing your parents did with money you’d like to replicate? One thing you’d like to do differently?
- What fears do you have around money?
- What are you hopes and dreams for the future? No dream is to crazy!
When discussing the above questions, don’t just hear your spouse’s concerns—really listen to them and look for the truth in what they say. You’re not the only one with a perspective on the issues, which is why it’s super important to listen first and speak later.
2. Set Up A Budget Date Night
In marriage, effective budgeting means you should make time each month for face-to-face budget date nights! I’ve seen countless couples do this and get positive results beyond the budgeting spreadsheet. My husband and I actually do this at the end of every month.. ever since we started we’ve seen a drastic change in our communication with one another.
Couples who set financial goals together are generally closer because the trust factor is much higher. They can nurture troubled marriages and strengthen healthy ones!
3. Kick Debt To The Curb— Together
Debt creates a lot of money fights. So, do yourself a huge favor and start getting out of debt. Not only with this eliminate a huge stressor in your marriage, but it will also give you a shard goal to work toward–together.
Kick debt to the curb and pay it off as quickly as your can. That may mean making some short-term sacrifices, but you’ll receive long-term gain. Cut out everything you can. Get a second job for a few months. Review your insurance policies. Pause date night for a few months. Once you begin a unified team and work a plan together, nothing will hold you back from achieving your goals.
4. Compromise, Compromise, Compromise
The word compromise may not come naturally to you, but if you want to stop fighting over money, it’s crucial! While you never want to compromise your integrity or ruin your financial plan, meeting in the middle can lead to a great solution. Marriage is all about give and take, so stay on the same page by allowing a little wiggle room on tough topics!
5. Keep The End In Mind
As a couple, you know where you are right now, and after a few months of budget date nights, you should have a shared vision for where you want to be. A dream for your future! A big part of marriage is creating a life you love together. Money is just a tool to help you realize those dreams!
Don’t let the immediate conflict erase the progress you’ve made or derail your dreams for the future. Start every financial discussion with the end in mind—and never let your fights move you off that foundation.
You CAN Stop Money Fights For Good
The biggest step to stop fighting over money is sitting down with your husband or wife and admitting that some work needs to be done.
So, turn off the television, sit down and have a nice, long talk with your significant other. Put everything out there—money issues, communication issues, trust issues . . . everything. Once you understand how each of you are feeling, you can work toward overcoming the issues together.
Money is an emotional topic, and how you deal with it will affect your family tree for generations to come. You might not be able to avoid every money fight in your marriage, but you can learn to fight fair and work together.
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